I’m not there yet…

Every time I get upset or jealous all I can think is, I’m not there yet.

But sometimes its hard. Those moments when your stomach drops and you can’t wash that bitter taste out of your mouth to save your life. When your life feels like puzzle pieces that have just been thrown up in the air. It feels like they always fall in place for some people but not for you. For you they land in water, or they just never seem to land at all.

I don’t want to be that person whose unhappiness grows like a vine, across my skin and around my throat until I can’t even breathe. The kind of person that a storm grows around and you become this black cloud whenever something good happens to someone else.

It’s so easy to say just grab the pieces and make this picture turn out the way you want. Behind every set of eyes is a different silver lining and sometimes the fog rolls in and we can’t see it yet or we’re not ready to see it just yet.

So I have to remind myself that its out there for me. Every time I can’t seem to gather up the energy to be happy for someone else because it feels like I’ve been climbing forever, I have to remember that storm cloud I’m creating isn’t the way I want to be. I just can’t see what’s coming but I’ll be there one day.

I’m just not there yet…

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