the potential start of something…

We had these blonde wigs. I even don’t know how it all started. I think we wanted to be someone else for a day. We’d put them on and stroke our hair. I marveled at what a good blonde I’d make. You’d laugh at the fact that you were already blonde but the wig had such prettier hair than yours.

We’d put on the reddest lipstick we could find and get all dressed up. Then we’d watch Wild at Heart. We’d pretend we were Lulas, waiting for our Sailors. You were the only one who would watch David Lynch films with me. You were the only one who would hold my hand through the scary parts. They were always so many scary parts for me.

We’d recite lines, scream out “Oh Sailor!”, and then fall over giggling. But sometimes, during those good times, you would grow quiet. Your eyes would dim. And I just knew the sadness had taken you over. You could only escape from it for so long. It would always come through, it would always seep through every crack. I spent so much time trying to seal up every fissure inside of you.

I should have known in those times that I would lose you.