Author Archives: teapotsonfire

write it all down, she said, everything.

taken from an email i sent to myself from work 3 years ago. you were right cynthia. I’m always waiting for someone to change my life. I can’t even do it on my own. I’m waiting for some kind of collision. Hoping that I will somehow crash into someone’s orbit and they will inspire me […]

i haven’t found it yet.

i watched an elderly couple walking out of the doctor’s office today. and they were walking in sync even with their canes. each footstep and tap of the cane beating out a rhythm, creating music. and they didn’t even realize it but I did. and i was creating the lyrics to their song.  i’m not […]

she wants to play hearts…

I found out one of my customers is dying today. She didn’t even have to tell me outright. All I had to hear was “brain surgery” and “cancer”. Then there was that look on her face and the way she didn’t answer when my voice hit that 5 year old little girl octave and said […]

it only kills me.

Its so weird to think about the fact that someone isn’t in this world anymore. You could go days or weeks without thinking about someone. Then all of a sudden they cross your mind and you can’t breathe until you know they’re still breathing in this world. Until you hear their voice you’ll make a […]

we can make it that way.

she says, “we can make it that way.” and i’m just talking about the moon. and she’s talking about it too. but then I think she’s talking about everything. and if only those words were the soundtrack to my life. if only there was an electronic ticker over everything all the time. constantly informing me […]

hold me now, or never ever hold me again.

all this beautiful music and no one to attribute it to just shadows of you. and i think i might just explode from it. i wonder if pistols feel this way i was made for a reason. i just want to give it all away. i can’t even give it away.

so, do we get her back now?

For the past few years on this day, the anniversary of my sister’s death, I’ve been posting this quote from Rob Sheffield’s book “Love is a Mixtape”. “on the 11th of every month my friend elizabeth would say, “well we made it through another month. so do we get her back now?” We always giggled, […]

only in darkness can you see the stars…

Sometime I forget where my father grew up. It seems so impossible to me that such a good natured man could come out of Alabama in the 50’s and 60’s, but he did. He’s only touched on stories about his life growing up. He’s never told me anything truly horrible. But I know there are […]

it’s so cold, like the cold if you were dead.

I remember this one day you let me hang out in your room when I was home alone. I watched episodes of the new Twilight Zone in your bed  and stared at all your stuff. Everything was so amazing and delicate to me just because it was yours. You had lyrics to The Cure’s “Plainsong” […]

the crack-up…

I shared a moment with a woman the other day. She reminded me of you Cynthia. She complimented me on my tote bag of “The Great Gatsby” and she got a dreamy look on her face when she said, “F. Scott Fitzgerald, he’s just…” and I almost felt like she was transported back to her […]