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I’m in love with the deleted scenes.

Found this old writing I had posted on Goodreads. Its rare I look back and really love something I wrote. But I’m happy for this. One good thing that came from a time of heartbreak. oh maude, its all my fault. i gave you your name. and i created you out of film. i gave […]

Nostalgia

We want to repeat the past. I thought I was alone in this. The way we never changed our answering machine with her outgoing message on it. The way I call my house over and over again when I’m sad just to hear her voice. Its like I’m following a rhythm. Nostalgia is a pattern […]

This is how you get her back.

Of course on this day every year I think about loss. But it’s not like its only this day. I miss her every day. But today for some reason you feel it more. The first day you got the wound that is taking forever to heal. But what if on a day like today you […]

you can’t see it but I do…

You’re not living for the modern age. So we take it back and it’s like we’re writing on paper. It’s like you found me in the back of a magazine. Circled it with a heart and now its like a movie. Desperately desperately desperately seeking anything. Now I can read my life back like its […]

she used to just stand there and stare.

It happened as she was leaving a concert. A little known band she couldn’t convince the rest of her friends to spend $25 on. But she really wanted to go, so she went alone. As much as she didn’t mind it, it was hard to not feel strange standing alone in a crowded room. Everyone […]

haunting, familiar, yet I can’t seem to place it…

“We kept his phone on.” This is what she says to me about her dead husband. People do this daily to me, they tell me about their problems and their lives. I don’t know if I’m equipped to handle them. I wanted to be a psychiatrist once. I took so many classes. I could diagnose […]

i broke my own heart…

I think I broke my own heart. Sometimes something takes 3 years. I wish I knew how human minds work. I wish I knew how our hearts work too. There’s so much science but they’ll never get it right. There’s always a new case study. Someone new doing something so differently.Β  It was just a […]

grief and high delight…

I was eating wedding cake while terrible things were happening. Worlds were crumbling and I was swirling icing around in my mouth, taking pleasure in the things I had been keeping from myself. I always think my body should react to the universe in times like these. I should have dropped my fork and looked […]

misery loves company…

I asked him if there was anything else. Then he laid it all out on the table in front of me, all of his grief and his misery. Like he was unstacking weights from his heart and then stacking them onto mine. So I took his hand, because I always take their hand. I had […]

somebody else’s train

I jumped on a dead end train. I knew full well it wasn’t going anywhere. But I made myself at home on his couch. Tried to run my fingers through his hair. Even when the conductor made his announcement. Told me all of his secrets. Told me just how likely this train was going to […]