Tag Archives: healing

how to build a tomb

I know how to build a tomb. First you keep all of her stuff. You keep it all in her room the same way for years. Then you start to get rid of it all. But you still hoard pieces of it in the corners of your room. Then you read all of her writings. […]

Please Crush Me.

Martin Luther King Jr always represented peace for me when I was little. Someone who could calm the heaviness in my heart with his words. I’ve always been an extremely emotional person. Pulling in the anger, sadness, or joy around me. Seeing images and hearing stories of civil rights and slavery were so hard on […]

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the day you died.

I’m not really sure what happened the day you died. I don’t know where I was or what I was doing. I didn’t find out until months later. I was working, I had made a joke about when you don’t see someone for awhile you think they died. Then you popped into my head. I […]

All My Stories Live In The Sky

“Would you do it all over again?” I ask. But I don’t ask. I’m always doing this, saying things I never say. It’s always some question, some statement, that would make a difference. But I keep it in my mind. I can’t push it to my lips. I hold it back. I say it over […]

Oh, Come On Now…

“Oh come on now..” That’s what the checker said to me as I was trying to buy groceries this morning after he asked how I was doing and I replied, “Not very good.” “Oh come on now.” But then I looked at his face, a white man in his 50’s maybe 60’s, and I realized this […]

The Art of Letting Go

Lets all hail the modern age. It can show you a picture that will put you in tears. Brings people back in your life that you’d rather forget. It puts you in contact with people you hate. People you blame for taking someone important from your life. People you could easily send a hateful message […]

House of the Spirits

I’m holding this book in my hands. “House of the Spirits” by Isabel Allende. It’s a used copy that I bought at Green Apple Books in San Francisco on Clement. I love finding books there. I love old used books. I love finding notes in the margins. I love finding old receipts stuck inbetween the pages. […]

It Was Never Written

I want to say I don’t fantasize romantic notions. But I’m the queen of romantic notions. I play out situations that couldn’t even possibly exist. Nothing hurts more than the realization of things that could not possibly exist. I think thats what hurts the most when I think about her, or the lack of her. […]

You Don’t Heal Well

“You don’t heal well.” This is what the nurse tells me as she squeezes my surgical incision. As I wince at the pain I know I’m going to take that comment to heart. That its going to mean far more to me than she meant it to be. I don’t heal well. I might just […]

This is how you get her back.

Of course on this day every year I think about loss. But it’s not like its only this day. I miss her every day. But today for some reason you feel it more. The first day you got the wound that is taking forever to heal. But what if on a day like today you […]