Tag Archives: loss

the day you died.

I’m not really sure what happened the day you died. I don’t know where I was or what I was doing. I didn’t find out until months later. I was working, I had made a joke about when you don’t see someone for awhile you think they died. Then you popped into my head. I […]

All My Stories Live In The Sky

“Would you do it all over again?” I ask. But I don’t ask. I’m always doing this, saying things I never say. It’s always some question, some statement, that would make a difference. But I keep it in my mind. I can’t push it to my lips. I hold it back. I say it over […]

The Art of Letting Go

Lets all hail the modern age. It can show you a picture that will put you in tears. Brings people back in your life that you’d rather forget. It puts you in contact with people you hate. People you blame for taking someone important from your life. People you could easily send a hateful message […]

House of the Spirits

I’m holding this book in my hands. “House of the Spirits” by Isabel Allende. It’s a used copy that Iย bought at Green Apple Books in San Francisco on Clement. I love finding books there. I love old used books. I love finding notes in the margins. I love finding old receipts stuck inbetween the pages. […]

It Was Never Written

I want to say I don’t fantasize romantic notions. But I’m the queen of romantic notions. I play out situations that couldn’t even possibly exist. Nothing hurts more than the realization of things that could not possibly exist. I think thats what hurts the most when I think about her, or the lack of her. […]

Residual Mourning

I’ve been getting emotional lately and thinking about death. I’m constantly worrying about my dad, calling him every night and just needing to hear his voice.ย I need to make sure he’s made it home safe from wherever he was at. I get like this, it nothing new. I’ll be perfectly fine. I won’t have even […]

What About the Ones Who Didn’t: An Open Letter to Subaru

OK so I get it. We all have things. Terrible, horrible things. And if companies had to think about everyone’s feelings when they do something they probably wouldn’t do anything at all. That said, this commercial is horrible. Every time it plays its like you’re stabbing me in the heart. What about the people who […]

This is how you get her back.

Of course on this day every year I think about loss. But it’s not like its only this day. I miss her every day. But today for some reason you feel it more. The first day you got the wound that is taking forever to heal. But what if on a day like today you […]

haunting, familiar, yet I can’t seem to place it…

“We kept his phone on.” This is what she says to me about her dead husband. People do this daily to me, they tell me about their problems and their lives. I don’t know if I’m equipped to handle them. I wanted to be a psychiatrist once. I took so many classes. I could diagnose […]

i broke my own heart…

I think I broke my own heart. Sometimes something takes 3 years. I wish I knew how human minds work. I wish I knew how our hearts work too. There’s so much science but they’ll never get it right. There’s always a new case study. Someone new doing something so differently.ย  It was just a […]