Tag Archives: memoirs

All My Stories Live In The Sky

“Would you do it all over again?” I ask. But I don’t ask. I’m always doing this, saying things I never say. It’s always some question, some statement, that would make a difference. But I keep it in my mind. I can’t push it to my lips. I hold it back. I say it over […]

House of the Spirits

I’m holding this book in my hands. “House of the Spirits” by Isabel Allende. It’s a used copy that Iย bought at Green Apple Books in San Francisco on Clement. I love finding books there. I love old used books. I love finding notes in the margins. I love finding old receipts stuck inbetween the pages. […]

It Was Never Written

I want to say I don’t fantasize romantic notions. But I’m the queen of romantic notions. I play out situations that couldn’t even possibly exist. Nothing hurts more than the realization of things that could not possibly exist. I think thats what hurts the most when I think about her, or the lack of her. […]

You Don’t Heal Well

“You don’t heal well.” This is what the nurse tells me as she squeezes my surgical incision. As I wince at the pain I know I’m going to take that comment to heart. That its going to mean far more to me than she meant it to be. I don’t heal well. I might just […]

This is how you get her back.

Of course on this day every year I think about loss. But it’s not like its only this day. I miss her every day. But today for some reason you feel it more. The first day you got the wound that is taking forever to heal. But what if on a day like today you […]

she used to just stand there and stare.

It happened as she was leaving a concert. A little known band she couldn’t convince the rest of her friends to spend $25 on. But she really wanted to go, so she went alone. As much as she didn’t mind it, it was hard to not feel strange standing alone in a crowded room. Everyone […]

haunting, familiar, yet I can’t seem to place it…

“We kept his phone on.” This is what she says to me about her dead husband. People do this daily to me, they tell me about their problems and their lives. I don’t know if I’m equipped to handle them. I wanted to be a psychiatrist once. I took so many classes. I could diagnose […]

grief and high delight…

I was eating wedding cake while terrible things were happening. Worlds were crumbling and I was swirling icing around in my mouth, taking pleasure in the things I had been keeping from myself. I always think my body should react to the universe in times like these. I should have dropped my fork and looked […]

oh sailor (part 2)

You’ve gone missing. You’d think in days where everything is electric there would always be some way to contact someone. But that’s not the case for you. You’re still a mystery. A phone number that works half the time. But came with a cautionary warning about who might pick up. You told me about the […]

it’ll happen again.

something old that needed to see the light… Sometimes you take what you take. Terrible loves and you walk away with nothing. Or do you? A broken heart? Yes. But a waste of time? You decide. So this is what I take from you… I wrote some of my best pieces of writing during that […]