something old that needed to see the light…
Sometimes you take what you take. Terrible loves and you walk away with nothing. Or do you? A broken heart? Yes. But a waste of time? You decide.
So this is what I take from you…
I wrote some of my best pieces of writing during that time. Not because of you. But just because. Maybe you lit the match but I started the fire.
Now I know how much I can romanticize things. The paint has finally peeled and I can see the rotting wood underneath. I know there were times you lacked magic. I know there were times you were the opposite of the things that make my world go round. But just like how music can flow into your ears and all you can hear is the beating in your eardrums. And all of a sudden this love had a soundtrack and you know how much prettier love stories are with a soundtrack. You get lost in the music. I got lost in the music.
And now I know about me. How easily I cave. So much give and not enough take. I wouldn’t change now for anyone besides myself.
I think I thought my blood flowed better at those times. Like my heart pumped so easily. But I wasn’t any different. I was riding a wave. I would have crashed sooner or later. You were not the race. You were the warm up. I tried to jump on your back. I thought you could carry me. But you’re weak. We were just on the ground. We never moved.
I really wish I could have seen how that novel you were writing turned out. But I have the funniest feeling you’ll never finish it. Because now I know you were never a race runner. You never wanted to win. Your life was never moving. You tried to float on the momentum of mine.
And sometimes we attribute to people the magic of things we never experienced before. We give them the credit for the shine of those moments. But they did not create the glow. You’re the one who starts the fires. It’ll happen again.